so apparently im staying in this fucking town for a bit longer, dont ask me why...i guess it cause maybe in like the last month or so, i have almost started to like my job at eat n park, but yeah in no way will i will be here for too long..i guess im going to sublet an apartment for 2 months and stick around here applying for as many jobs as i can and hopefully hear something and in the meantime, i will be a server at eat n puke...but i mean the realization i guess i have made is that there is nothing wrong with that..having a college degree does not automatically mean you must get a good job..ideally, yes, it should but ehh whatever..i can be content working there for now, i have some good friends there and i am actually good my job..it is never a job i thought i would be good at, im not a huge people person..but i find that if you smile and are nice to people..generally they are nice back..amazing realization eh?..haha...anyways but yeah hopefully out of all the jobs i am applying for i will hear something..i dont care what it is..just something to get my dick wet..or is the metaphor feet wet? oh well who knows...i like my variation better..anyways thats the update for now..ttyl

so im sitting here alone in this freakin apartment in slippery rock so ready to leave this town and relocate..i am probably going to moving to pittsburgh very soon, which makes me happy..the events of this past week have made me stronger i think, it is a shame that things have to go so far before i realize my faults..but it isnt the first time..i like to push and push and push until i cant anymore..then im a regretful piece of crap, like i said in an earlier blog..foresight needs to be 20/20..not highsight..let that be the motto by which i attempt to live my life..[key word being attempt]..i think that i have been forgiven and that the whole situation unforuntately got blown way out of proportion...but enough that is over and done with and it was a learning experience and i hope that someday i can come back to this town and place without so much disdain towards it..but yes life has gotten better for me, i was pretty miserable for a couple weeks..i didnt know what i was doing..i was waking up in the morning without purpose..wanting to just lie in bed..but ehh that passed, well my cat sits here next to me on my bed and she seems to be my only companion of late besides some good friends from work whom i hung out with last night and watched the penguins game which is going to a freakin' game 7..LAME..anyways i like writing, its quite therapeutic..until next time...

all i can possibly say is im sorry

so i sit here in the library for possibly my last time writing my last paper as an undergraduate student at sru..i am terrifed, i dont want to graduate..probably b/c i have absolutely no idea what i am going to do with my life right now..my emotions are so scattered recently, i dont even know to make of them..i mean its a mix of a bunch of things going on right now..but most important i think it is my safe, secure identity as a college student that is being taken from me. i went to this poli sci reception thing yesterday too and i realized there are a lot of people i am going to miss...as much as i may not have wanted to come to school here in the first place and as much as i bitch about it, i am going to miss it...it has turned into home without me even realizing it..if that even makes sense..but i better stop writing..i can feel tears approaching...uggh FML (i really hate it when people say that but it seemed appropriate)