Sunday, October 2, 2011
im better than i have been but not nearly as good i could be
so im in carbondale...i guess going on about 2 months now..and this is by far obviously the biggest change i have made in my life..so far this experience has been well probably like every other experience on my life..good and bad..recently i have wandered down the road of meeting a girl and this has sucked again..it was probably just a bad idea to even try..i knew from the start it was bad and not going to work but i figured i would try and get hurt anyways? because learning from my mistakes is not something i typically do...i always manage to find my way into the worst situations and this time i didnt even mean to...i wasnt even trying..but i suppose the lesson to take away is..meeting someone on facebook is a terrible idea..so unfortunately now this has me distracted and i am allowing my emotions to get the best of me, which is another quality about myself i fucking hate...i am not an emotionally strong person...not even close...and unfortunately i think you have to go through some really shitty situations before you become one and i dont think i am anywhere near that point..im trying my best to move beyond this and focus on what really matters and why i came here..GRADUATE SCHOOL..i cannot become this mopey, pathetic person that i have in the past...i have like 35 students who depend on me to show up twice a week and teach them how to write...in as much as that is possible..that has to be my focus and not to mention the 9 credits of graduate coursework i have also...i cannot let this stupid fucking diversion, whatever it is, distract me..i moved here for a reason and i cannot lose focus of that..i have so much at stake..all i did for like the past 5 years was talk and talk and talk about how all i wanted to do was go to graduate school and make my life better and i finally did it..i stopped talking and finally acted and it felt good and to let myself start to fail this early into my new life would be crime and i would let so many people down..most importantly myself
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