never imagined i would be here again..its september 2010 and im now living in zelienople, working at the kaufman house and still taking a class at sru. i cannot believe i am still in the same place i have been for like the past 5 years. im going nowhere fast..i feel so stuck..literally, in the same place doing the same things and changing nothing in my life at all. i had the opportunity to go to graduate school and move to a new city and a whole fresh new start and what did i do? well obviously this answer is obvious.didnt go..didnt move..same job..i cannot for the life of me understand why i am so afraid to move on and get a new direction..i just keep telling myself the only reason i didnt go was because of the money, that i didnt want to go into more debt and that is no doubt a big part of it..but should i really have let that stop me? i had so many people telling me so many different things but at the end of the day, i do regret this decision..i am not happy..far from it. i let all the practicality of the situation dictate what i should do and it won out..just like every other fucking decision i have made in my life..the safe one...i keep telling myself i am just going to apply all over again and i will get the right financial aid offer from the right school and all will be ok..but will it happen? i just dont know..i just turned 24 like 3 weeks ago which means i will be starting graduate school in philosophy at the age of 25..meaning if i stick with it, get the PhD and all that good stuff, i probably wont have a secure tenure track position until i am into my thirties..sounds fantastic...yeah this all probably sounds like bitching and feeling sorry for myself and for those of you that might read this and know me, you will just be like..dave, enough..noone is stopping you from doing things with your life except you and i know this is true..but im just freakin complacent and stuck in the same cycle..i cannot break it..oh well until next time